Find a Dominatrix

Do you really want to find and serve a dominatrix?

The following are a list of things that you need to bear in mind.

There are lots of male sub-missives.

You are not the only male submissive in the world.

In fact, within the BDSM scene you're just about the lowest of the low.

Sorry if that sounds depressing, but it's the truth, and you might as well hear it from me hear and now.

Simply telling people that you're a male submissive isn't going to mean a thing.

Worse still is telling people that you're a male submissive, and which lucky mistress would like you as their slave.

They will NOT be interested. Most likely they already have a submissive, and they're probably not looking for another one. So, to really hammer the point home: THIS APPROACH DOES NOT WORK!

There are not that many Dommes who need to seek subs.

The pecking order goes a bit like this - at the top of the heap are female submissives.

They are rare, delightful creatures, few and far between.

Next in the order are Dom's or Masters.

Finally we get to the largest group of all, the male submissive. Consequently, don't treat all Dommes as the same. Just think how much more annoying it is for a Domme to exist in your mind as nothing more than a woman who may want a submissive. You are denying her everything about her, except her sex and the fact that she can tell you what to do. Believe me, this is a really bad idea - the level of interest in you will be zero.

If it's not zero it's almost certainly because she thinks you're a joke. (Of course, it's entirely possible that's what you get off on, but we'll assume that you do actually want a Domme for all the right reasons.

Dommes do not like to be pestered. In fact, no one likes to be pestered. In fact, no one likes people who whine.

God knows that we see enough male sub missives who do. Ensure that you do not fall into that category. Female sub missives are not Dommes in disguise.

You may be tempted to talk to a female submissive in the hopes of persuading her that actually, she's really a Domme and hasn't met the right submissive male yet.

Trust me when I tell you that every female sub has heard every line, at least ten times. THIS WILL NOT WORK! A female sub doesn't have to be anything other than a female submissive - in terms of rarity value they're at the top as it is.

Believe me - if a female submissive wanted to be a Domme, she'd be one. Trying to persuade her that she is will do nothing except annoy her. It's a really bad idea to annoy a female submissive, they have ways and means that are beyond the understanding of anyone else, and their revenge will be nothing you'd want to experience. By all means talk to them, But please don't try and get her to Domme you.

The positive steps you should take. Be polite and respectful and do not fall into the trap of just putting your wants first. This is of course always good manners for anyone. Politeness is a virtue If attending a Munch do not barge into a chat and tell everyone your sex, age, location and your particular fetish. We don't care. If we take any notice of this at all it's going to be 'oh, it's an idiot.

Ignore them'. which is just what you don't want to happen. You will find that you get on a lot better if you come in, say 'hi', and perhaps explain that you're new to the room. DO NOT IMMEDIATELY START approaching DOMMES.

They won't be interested. It is much better to sit quietly for a while, listening to conversations and getting to know people individually first, and allowing them to get to know you. Demonstrate why you're different.

Before looking for a Domme, you need to decide for yourself what makes you different. If you've taken the trouble to sit in a chat and slowly get involved with it, at some point, someone will ask you about yourself. This is a key moment in your search for a Domme, so use it wisely. Here are some of the classic errors that are made at this point: Your comment:

I'm very submissive. I do exactly what I'm told. I'll do anything for the right Mistress. I'm excellent at pleasuring my Mistress I'm rich with my own Penthouse suite. I'm available for the right Domme! I'm 21, very fit and highly intelligent. I'm looking for a Domme! Our thoughts: Big deal, so are all submissives.

Well yes and? This one is desperate! Oh, He's a desperate liar. Totally clueless and arrogant. Still totally clueless and stupid.

You're a male sub, of course you are. None of those approaches will work. We see it every night. What makes much more sense is to assume that we know you're submissive, that you'll do as you're told and all that jazz. So don't tell us, move swiftly onto something about you that's interesting. What hobbies do you have? What skills have you got? What makes you an interesting human being? The fact that you're a sub isn't interesting.

We know that already. There are very interesting male submissives I know lots of them, as do the rest of us. But they are interesting because they are people who happen to be submissive. Do you see the difference? I really hope so! Tell us why you're different and leave it.

Don't continue wittering on about it. If people are interested, they'll ask you about it. If they do, congratulations, you've moved onto the next stage in your search. FINDING A DOMME IS A LONG TERM PROCESS - IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT.

If you come into a chat room or attend a fetish club or munch expecting to find a Domme who will come around and visit you the same evening or the next day to beat you senseless, just leave the room right now and go to BDSM stupidly optimistic. After all why should a Domme want to? She's probably already got a sub she can phone up and say "drive over here now",

I am in the mood to whack you'. So just leave it. Don't push it, and don't expect anything to happen tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or this week. Or probably this month. I'm really sorry - I know that you're desperate - it's clear for all to see, and there's nothing that is more off-putting than a desperate submissive. It's not pretty and it's not attractive. But visit it as a PERSON.

Do not visit as a male submissive desperate for a Domme. We'll just get totally pissed off with you. However, if you are interesting and a fun person to chat to, you'll be warmly welcomed. Do this for long enough, and at some point a Domme will turn her eye towards you. (Probably both eyes in fact. If she does just turn one eye towards you, be slightly worried).

And when you visit, come to the chat room to meet people. Don't come with the express requirement to meet the Domme of your dreams. She probably doesn't exist.

Treat all of us Dommes, Dom's, sub-missives just like normal real life people because you know what? That's exactly what we are. No-one likes being put in a pigeon hole.

You don't like me thinking of you as 'just another male submissive', and quite frankly, I don't blame you. If you don't like it, why would we want to be pigeon holed either? What to do if a Domme expresses an interest. Obviously be polite. We all like politeness. Dommes usually insist on it.

However, don't grovel, since we don't like that. Most Dommes don't like it. Remember, that she is talking to you because she finds you interesting - the fact that you're a submissive is taken for granted, so you need to make sure that you think in those terms as well.

Do not immediately launch into a sales pitch about how you're the best sub she'll ever meet. She won't believe you and she'll lose interest within seconds. Of course, if she asks what you like doing as a submissive, tell her! DO NOT SAY 'ANYTHING YOU WANT MISTRESS'.

This immediately puts you into the category of sad desperate loser. Tell her what you do like doing, and what you don't like doing.

Be clear about this, since she's going to find out at some point, and you might as well be up front about it, it will save your time and trouble.

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Mistress Penny  August 2020  Copyright www.strictlyleather.co.uk